Thanks Phil! Dementia is the umbrella term of memory loss. There are several different types of dementia. Alzhemer's is the most common type. About 70%-80% of people with dementia have that type. Parkinson's is another type. Here's more info: https://www.webmd.com/alzheimers/types-dementia
Yeh, that sounds so right. Dan used to hide the pills that I set out for him. Some of them I could smash and put in yogurt - so that he didn't know. I had to smile about the white-knuckle rides, we had more than one.
Hide his own pills? To give the impression that he took them already? My dad stopped taking his pills when he entered hospice - and he survived for 18 months. The hospice nurse told me if he declines and it causes a strain in the father-son relationship, don't force it. For quite some time I wondered why he started to refuse, without him giving me a reason. Then I started to assume perhaps he didn't like the side effects they may have caused.
We were 'lucky' in that Dad was a doctor and religiously took his pills. I've heard many experiences, like Janice's where the loved one believes either they don't need the pills, or is trying to reclaim some sort of control or at worse deluded and thinks someone is trying to poison them...
My heart goes out to you and your family. Yet it's a gift to have been around and been able to help. I lost my own dad in 2020 but had not been in the same state to have helped him with anything, yet I watched my hubby help his own dad with meds while I helped his wife with shopping and errands. They didn't have dementia yet but worked around other health issues and left us when they were in their late sixties. Great article and great reminder also.
How well I remember managing my mother's affairs. I stepped in just after her husband passed away. She was in such a state she couldn't fight me for it, and boy things were in a shambles. Her credit card was being charged each month for not one but two separate after-market warranties on her car that was still under warranty from the dealer. It was a mess. Key was to clean it up without making her feel bad. Bravo to you with your strategy to bring up Grandma Kay's three managers then ask... “How are you doing with your pills?”
I've shared this as a life-lesson to tell people that if you're worried about a parent, chances are it's worse than you think it is. They're very good at hiding it.
Thanks for sharing Barbara. I worked with a social worker, who was also amazing at reducing the stress. If you had to do that alone with your mom, I can only imagine how much harder that must have been. 🙏🏻
Hi Kevin, This is a great article and a very important, helpful insight for anyone who sees their parents or elderly loved ones becoming more frail, especially these days with nearly everything online with passwords and user names. It took the major hospitalisation in 2015 for my Dad to relinquish and accept I'd need to do it all.
Another key insight: 'I now recognize that difficult discussions are a process, not an epiphany', I lost count of the times I 'seeded' an idea and saw it take hold. Beautiful if Dad thought it was his idea in the first place, not so great if Dad exploded thinking I'd manipulated him...such is the unpredictable nature of vascular dementia, and the caregiver's 'lot' of being seen as the jailor. (yep that's a common theme, just like sundowning'.
I'll link to this article from Carer Mentor, thanks, Kevin!
Thanks for your insights Victoria. Sundowning is brutal. My grandmother has suffered that when she has a stint in the hospital for UTIs. I've witnessed phone calls when she suffers through a bout. So sad to hear/see someone go through it.
Wonderful as always. How does someone start to learn all the items with dementia?
Hard to help parents. Good story
Thanks Phil! Dementia is the umbrella term of memory loss. There are several different types of dementia. Alzhemer's is the most common type. About 70%-80% of people with dementia have that type. Parkinson's is another type. Here's more info: https://www.webmd.com/alzheimers/types-dementia
Yeh, that sounds so right. Dan used to hide the pills that I set out for him. Some of them I could smash and put in yogurt - so that he didn't know. I had to smile about the white-knuckle rides, we had more than one.
Hide his own pills? To give the impression that he took them already? My dad stopped taking his pills when he entered hospice - and he survived for 18 months. The hospice nurse told me if he declines and it causes a strain in the father-son relationship, don't force it. For quite some time I wondered why he started to refuse, without him giving me a reason. Then I started to assume perhaps he didn't like the side effects they may have caused.
Yes - he didn't think he needed them. So, I found them in different places.
We were 'lucky' in that Dad was a doctor and religiously took his pills. I've heard many experiences, like Janice's where the loved one believes either they don't need the pills, or is trying to reclaim some sort of control or at worse deluded and thinks someone is trying to poison them...
My heart goes out to you and your family. Yet it's a gift to have been around and been able to help. I lost my own dad in 2020 but had not been in the same state to have helped him with anything, yet I watched my hubby help his own dad with meds while I helped his wife with shopping and errands. They didn't have dementia yet but worked around other health issues and left us when they were in their late sixties. Great article and great reminder also.
Thanks Michelle. I appreciate your shared stories and thoughts. 🙏
How well I remember managing my mother's affairs. I stepped in just after her husband passed away. She was in such a state she couldn't fight me for it, and boy things were in a shambles. Her credit card was being charged each month for not one but two separate after-market warranties on her car that was still under warranty from the dealer. It was a mess. Key was to clean it up without making her feel bad. Bravo to you with your strategy to bring up Grandma Kay's three managers then ask... “How are you doing with your pills?”
I've shared this as a life-lesson to tell people that if you're worried about a parent, chances are it's worse than you think it is. They're very good at hiding it.
Thanks for sharing Barbara. I worked with a social worker, who was also amazing at reducing the stress. If you had to do that alone with your mom, I can only imagine how much harder that must have been. 🙏🏻
Hi Kevin, This is a great article and a very important, helpful insight for anyone who sees their parents or elderly loved ones becoming more frail, especially these days with nearly everything online with passwords and user names. It took the major hospitalisation in 2015 for my Dad to relinquish and accept I'd need to do it all.
Another key insight: 'I now recognize that difficult discussions are a process, not an epiphany', I lost count of the times I 'seeded' an idea and saw it take hold. Beautiful if Dad thought it was his idea in the first place, not so great if Dad exploded thinking I'd manipulated him...such is the unpredictable nature of vascular dementia, and the caregiver's 'lot' of being seen as the jailor. (yep that's a common theme, just like sundowning'.
I'll link to this article from Carer Mentor, thanks, Kevin!
Thanks for your insights Victoria. Sundowning is brutal. My grandmother has suffered that when she has a stint in the hospital for UTIs. I've witnessed phone calls when she suffers through a bout. So sad to hear/see someone go through it.