Mining Grandma’s Memory at 103

Six ways to engage someone with short-term memory loss.

Welcome to a newsletter themed at the intersection of longevity and wine history. 🍷

Grandma Kay enjoying a quesadilla at Tom’s Depot last month

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Grandma Kay’s 104th birthday is in three weeks, and she can still be elusive. On a recent May visit to her home where she’s lived for half a century, it was tricky to find her. After looking all over inside the house, I went out to her backyard.

Within a few moments, I could hear her walker scraping against the concrete. The sound came from the side of the house. It got louder and louder as she approached. A long rake peeked out from around the corner of the house. Then I noticed, somehow, it was balancing in one of her hands as she pushed her walker forward. At four-foot-11-inches tall and such tiny hands, it was hard to figure how she gripped the rake and pushed her walker, too. Meanwhile, her young Tongan caregiver trailed two feet behind.

I called out her name as I descended the steps from the deck that led into her brick patio.

“I’ve been working in the yard,” she said, proudly. I gave her a peck on the cheek and told her how happy I was to see her. I retrieved her rake and leaned it against a wall.

“I’ve been working in the yard,” Grandma Kay said, proudly.

“I need to go around,” she said. The steps I climbed down were daunting to her. Instead, she pushed her walker up a slanted curved walking path that looped around the gazebo my late grandfather built back in the 1980s. I fell in line behind her.

Grandma Kay walked ever so slowly. Watching her push her walker can be nerve-wracking, like watching a beginner balancing on stilts, especially when she needs to go down a step from the multi-level deck.

If you over-help she can get agitated, causing her to snap at you. Providing her with a feeling of independence as well as safety is another balancing act.

She complains that her caregivers follow her everywhere. “That’s what my kids have told them to do,” she said, disapprovingly.

However, it seems to be working. She hasn’t been rushed to the hospital due to a fall in over 18 months, the entire period in which we’ve had round-the-clock caregivers. Earlier in 2023 with only part-time caregivers, she had several hospital trips due to urinary tract infections, a bout with COVID and a bone-bruising fall that required a stint in rehab to regain her strength.

If we ever bring up her past hospital visits, she denies them as if we’re making them up.

Childhood Memory Lane

It was almost lunchtime, so she got cleaned up, changed clothes and we headed to Tom’s Depot, an old-fashioned brunch spot at Loyola Corners in Los Altos.

When I’d stay overnight as a kid, we’d walk after dinner to Loyola Corners to get ice cream. It was about a 15-minute trek through winding neighborhood streets. This was before Tom Andrews II purchased Mom’s Ice Cream Shop and converted it into a 1950’s-style diner.

Andrews renamed it Tom’s Depot as an ode to the location’s history of being a train stop long ago.

I asked Grandma Kay if she remembered the train stop.

“I do. Long time ago. Before we moved here,” she said, referring to my grandparents’ three-mile move to the neighborhood from Mountain View, which occurred in 1974.

I often fact-check things she says. I was amazed that she was right, because neurologists suggest people with memory loss have trouble with dates and time frames. (She’s never been officially diagnosed with dementia, but she commonly shows signs of memory loss, especially short-term memory.)

Southern Pacific Railroad ended train service in 1964 and the tracks were removed in favor of Foothill Expressway, according to the Los Altos Town Crier. My grandparents were living on the Gemello Winery property just off El Camino Real in Mountain View then.

Coming next week: I’m excited to announce a Q&A with

Annie Fenn, MD

, physician, chef, and author of The Brain Health Kitchen: Preventing Alzheimer’s Through Food. It’s a science-based cookbook and care manual for the brain. Look for the interview June 8th.

Centenarian Exercise Routine

After lunch Grandma Kay acknowledged a pep in her step and wanted to take a walk at her favorite park. I was eager to see how far she could go these days. During the pandemic lockdown, I’d visit three times a week. Part of our routine would be walking a half-mile loop at Cuesta Park.

The rumor was that she still took her park stroll, just less frequently. I imagined she was walking to a park bench and chilling for a while. She loved to watch toddlers playing in the grass.

When we arrived, I checked my Fitbit on my wrist to mark the start of our steps.

“You have somewhere to go?” Grandma asked.

“Nope! I can track our steps on my watch,” I said, showing her the tiny numbers displaying on my wrist.

Random Thoughts

The thoughts that entertain a centenarian’s mind can be puzzling.

Earlier that day I had told Grandma Kay that my mom went to hear a talk by San Francisco Giants TV broadcasters Mike Krukow and Duane Kuiper. Kruk and Kuip, as they are known, discussed their three decades of broadcasting together.

Grandma Kay revisited that topic while in the park, referencing her crush on the 74-year-old Kuiper.

“You know I would date him, if he’d be interested in me,” she said. “Can you believe I’m going to be 104? I feel much younger.”

“You know I would date him, if he’d be interested in me,” Grandma Kay said, referring to the the 74-year-old Duane Kuiper.

A few minutes later she stopped again, this time to remind me of one of her favorite delusions.

“You know I could drive my car to the park if I wanted to.”

Her eye doctor would disagree. She was the one who revoked her driving privileges a few years ago due to diagnosing her with glaucoma. Grandma Kay conveniently forgets that.

“I know Grandma,” I said. “Look at that funny-looking dog over there.”

Lounging in the grass, a dog with a sliver coat of fur stood out among all the bright colors and other shades of green around him. He looked like popped out of a black-and-white photo. His owner, a twenty-something woman in blue shorts and a bright pink tank top, locked eyes on Grandma Kay and her walker. This compelled Grandma Kay to say something.

“I’ve never seen a gray dog before,” she told the lady. When asked about the breed, she said it was a Blue Lacy.

“I’ve never seen a gray dog before,” Grandma Kay told the lady.

We chatted and as usual, Grandma Kay’s age came up.

“You’re turning 104 next month? Wow!” she said. “What is the most amazing thing you’ve ever seen in all your years?”

“Seeing a gray dog,” Grandma Kay said.

We completed a short loop and made it back to the car without needing a bench-rest stop. My Fitbit read 1,016 steps.

6 Tips to Engage a Person with Memory Loss

Here are some ways neurologists suggest triggering memories for people with short- term recall challenges.

1. Use Photos and Objects for Cue-Triggered Recall
Present old photos, heirlooms, or familiar items to stimulate autobiographical memories through sensory and emotional associations.

2. Tap Into Music-Evoked Memory
Play songs popular during their youth—music often bypasses short-term memory deficits and can unlock vivid, emotionally charged memories.

3. Ask Era-Based Prompts Instead of Specific Dates
Replace questions like “What did you do in 1946?” with “What do you remember about life just after the war?”

4. Use Open-Ended, Sensory-Rich Questions
Ask, “What did your mother’s kitchen smell like?” instead of yes/no or fact-based questions, which rely more on short-term memory.

5. Leverage Repetition and Restatement
Repeat questions using varied wording—e.g., “What was your favorite holiday?” and later, “Tell me about your best Christmas growing up.”

6. Tell Small Stories First to Spark Related Ones
Share a short anecdote from their generation to prime their brain with related memories via associative pathways.

If you’re new here—hi, I’m Kevin!

I’m the author of 🍷 Rain on the Monte Bello Ridge,🍷 my forthcoming memoir about health, aging and winemaking. (Read the origin story of the book.) 🍇

The Centenarian Playbook is my newsletter, which features:

• Healthy aging/longevity tips and stories from Grandma Kay’s long life.

• Wine history & stories of the Gemello Winery

• Ancestry & family research tips

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